Look, I don’t want much. Just four things really. First, I want the fake crowd noise at sporting events to go away. There’s no one there. We can see the empty seats. A quiet game is fine.
Second, I want traffic accountability. I want some sort of device that will temporarily disable someone else’s vehicle. I think we should all have one. Whenever a driver does something unsafe, or rude, I should be able to Zap the offender into a time-out so they can think about what they’ve done. After five minutes of meaningful self-reflection, they’re on their way, none the worse for wear.
Of course, there will be rules in this game. First, no tag backs. Just sit back and take your medicine. Also, each person gets to use their device only three times per year – use it or lose it. Woe to the person who has used their Zaps unwisely. Perhaps, in a New Year’s Day hangover tantrum, someone might use their year’s allotment before halftime of the Rose Bowl. That’s 365 days of influence over roadway civility wasted in one morning.
In the long term, this requires that each person spend some time thinking about what they consider to be Zap-worthy. Each person might want to develop a criteria for offenses that a Zap might help mediate. I think we’d all drive a little more sanely knowing that we could be Zapped at any time for any transgression, real or imagined.
The Traffic Zapper. I’m looking for investors. Don’t overthink it. It’s my fantasy, just roll with it.
Speaking of time-outs, I want all social media to shut down for a month. It’s a digital shelter-in-place for social platforms to the benefit of our emotional and intellectual well-being. I actually want this to last more like six months, or forever, but I’m pretty sure my middle school students would cancel me if it drags on too long. It’s not lost on me that everyone I share this desire with is in favor of it. Some may even have posted it on social media.
Social media distancing would make it harder to communicate the inanity of our lives to our friends — about as hard as it was back in 2001. We’d have to think a little more carefully about what everyone needs to know about us.
Let’s face it, the human race has been just fine without Face Twit and Snap Tok for the last 50,000 years. Don’t worry about Mr. Zuckerberg and his cohort, they have enough money, they’ll be fine. But I think we should let him and his new-money friends know that they have accelerated human de-evolution, and we want our maturity back. I think we all need a break.
Finally, and more pointedly, I want everyone to realize that the success of civilization rests on our ability and willingness to balance what each of us expects against what others need and want. As with the Traffic Zapper, each of us has to figure out what really constitutes offense and what we can reasonably let go of, at least for now. The people around us are going to fall short, OK? During 5,000 years of human civilization, no one has gotten it completely right. Not yet. So let’s give each other some grace.
The most important lesson I’ve learned from studying and teaching history over the past 30 years is that we humans aren’t very good at acting selflessly. Some do alright, but as a species, not so much.
We are, however, quite good at gradual progress. Each of us needs to take a step back from all that we know to be wrong these days, and honestly consider what, in each of our lives, is immediately Zap-worthy. In the short term, each of us is going to have to let some stuff go while we listen to, and carefully consider, the issues that others are struggling with, and then try to help each other through the days we share in this life.
That’s what I want.
At least for now.
Email Brian Faith at bfaithvoices@gmail.com
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What I want — just these four little things | North State Voices - Chico Enterprise-Record
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